To write about an experience is a pathetic attempt to use symbols to give form, shape-- something concrete even, to the intangible. Why then, try?
This isn't the "race report" that I'm supposed to write. It's not what's expected of me. The lighthearted, witty, remembrance of a weekend literally filled with laughs (still smiling at mile 90), frustration, and a strength to push through when things got rough that I didn't know I had... I can't touch on that at all.
My heart isn't there, isn't willing to share, isn't able to create a shape for something as infinite as a moment.
I knew with the crew I had, there'd be push on the social media side of the weekend. My pacers and crew consisted of social media managers, camera/tech geeks, gear junkies, ultra-running enthusiasts... It was really no surprise when the FB crew message thread turned to how to tell the story, what to highlight, etc. But I couldn't bring myself to comment on it. I could only think, what if I don't want to tell the story? "Qui plus sait, plus se tait?" What if I don't want to verbalize the 79,000 seconds that passed? What if I want to keep them forever dislodged in some private corner of myself? But I promised I'd be cooperative.
Perhaps I should start with the hardest part of the 100 mile run. It wasn't finishing; it wasn't tuning out the blisters or nagging injuries. It wasn't running for hours dehydrated, vomit all over me, wishing for pain killers or salt. It was the night before it all began, sitting in a tent with 3 people I trust my life with. Where they shone lights and lamps and headlights on me, gave me a microphone, and forced me to talk. When all I wanted to do so badly was to curl up in my sleeping bag and pretend that I didn't exist.
It is ironic that the same inward anxiety that caused me to suddenly lose weight before the run and ultimately rendered me unable to intake calories is the same anxiety that fueled me when I was dehydrated and empty.
Is it selfish then, to want to keep my privacy? I understand why so many race reports focus on the hard facts. The numbers, the calories, the logistics. Those are easy. They create the spine of the story line. They give a lifeless shape to a story, that however difficult, is innately understood it must be told.
I want to share the intimate joy of the weekend. The abounding happiness, the times where I thought that no one save the soft, sweet red dirt could understand my irrational contentment and joy. I want to share the anxiety, the pain, and the stress from several areas of my life that caused my to lose 5% of my body weight in the weeks preceding the run and inadvertently caused me to be unable to digest food for the latter half of the run.
And at the same moment, I want to keep that all to myself. It's a part of me. And the bright lights still scare me.
So, here's some photos. Here's my 100 miles. Here's a full day of no sorrows, no regrets, and no pain to intrude my happiness. Here's the ability to push forward without fuel, without reason- other than to complete my dream.
If you want to hear about the hallucinations, the elevation gain, my wonderful pacer and fantastic crew, the beauty of a stark landscape in a red sun, the vomiting, the sprained ankle the week before, the "vomit shoes" that made me angry, the line, and the reasons behind it all, then follow-up on the Trail and Ultra Running interview and the soon-to-come fun video of the weekend.
Right now I just can't.
Update 11/21/13--
Stats/Gear:
Just under 12,000 ft vert gain
I consumed less than 2,000 calories
No salt pills, pain relievers, calories, electrolytes, tums, pepto, fluids (other than a few sips of water) etc stayed down the last 30 miles
Ran all of it in La Sportiva Helios- feet felt great
Injinjii socks- never changed them
Terramar wool pants and silk weight base layer, warm and cozy
InkNBurn shorts- chaffed (hadn't tried them longer than 50 before)
Moving Comfort sports bra- left a lesion on my back, not doing that one again
Nathan Firecracker hydration vest- LOVE LOVE all sing praises... lightweight, barely felt it there, review coming
Links:
Craig's Report: http://www.refuse2quit.com/2013/11/white-rim-100-pacers-story.html
Trail and Ultrarunning Interview: http://trailandultrarunning.com/white-rim-trail-fkt-jennilyn-eaton-interview/
The vid:
This isn't the "race report" that I'm supposed to write. It's not what's expected of me. The lighthearted, witty, remembrance of a weekend literally filled with laughs (still smiling at mile 90), frustration, and a strength to push through when things got rough that I didn't know I had... I can't touch on that at all.
 |
| I love the sharp desert and the blurry runners |
My heart isn't there, isn't willing to share, isn't able to create a shape for something as infinite as a moment.
I knew with the crew I had, there'd be push on the social media side of the weekend. My pacers and crew consisted of social media managers, camera/tech geeks, gear junkies, ultra-running enthusiasts... It was really no surprise when the FB crew message thread turned to how to tell the story, what to highlight, etc. But I couldn't bring myself to comment on it. I could only think, what if I don't want to tell the story? "Qui plus sait, plus se tait?" What if I don't want to verbalize the 79,000 seconds that passed? What if I want to keep them forever dislodged in some private corner of myself? But I promised I'd be cooperative.
 |
| please don't make me do this |
It is ironic that the same inward anxiety that caused me to suddenly lose weight before the run and ultimately rendered me unable to intake calories is the same anxiety that fueled me when I was dehydrated and empty.
 |
| trying to hold it in |
Is it selfish then, to want to keep my privacy? I understand why so many race reports focus on the hard facts. The numbers, the calories, the logistics. Those are easy. They create the spine of the story line. They give a lifeless shape to a story, that however difficult, is innately understood it must be told.
I want to share the intimate joy of the weekend. The abounding happiness, the times where I thought that no one save the soft, sweet red dirt could understand my irrational contentment and joy. I want to share the anxiety, the pain, and the stress from several areas of my life that caused my to lose 5% of my body weight in the weeks preceding the run and inadvertently caused me to be unable to digest food for the latter half of the run.
And at the same moment, I want to keep that all to myself. It's a part of me. And the bright lights still scare me.
So, here's some photos. Here's my 100 miles. Here's a full day of no sorrows, no regrets, and no pain to intrude my happiness. Here's the ability to push forward without fuel, without reason- other than to complete my dream.
 |
| we both suffered sour stomachs early on from the arid heat |
 |
| morning after |
 |
| the crew- post |
Right now I just can't.
 |
Update 11/21/13--
Stats/Gear:
Just under 12,000 ft vert gain
I consumed less than 2,000 calories
No salt pills, pain relievers, calories, electrolytes, tums, pepto, fluids (other than a few sips of water) etc stayed down the last 30 miles
Ran all of it in La Sportiva Helios- feet felt great
Injinjii socks- never changed them
Terramar wool pants and silk weight base layer, warm and cozy
InkNBurn shorts- chaffed (hadn't tried them longer than 50 before)
Moving Comfort sports bra- left a lesion on my back, not doing that one again
Nathan Firecracker hydration vest- LOVE LOVE all sing praises... lightweight, barely felt it there, review coming
Links:
Craig's Report: http://www.refuse2quit.com/2013/11/white-rim-100-pacers-story.html
Trail and Ultrarunning Interview: http://trailandultrarunning.com/white-rim-trail-fkt-jennilyn-eaton-interview/
The vid:
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