For throwback Thursday, I cheated a bit. I've copied fragments from my journal on my first visit to the white rim. Bear in mind that these are crazy, random, introspective thoughts of my just-turned-18-a-week-ago self. My social awkwardness is fairly evident, and I didn't edit any of these fragments. I guess some things about me don't really change.
During this trip I was with a group of college and class peers, and we biked the white rim over 3 days with the option of riding the entire loop in a day on the 4th day. While I wasn't a runner then, I became obsessed with wanting to run that trail, and laced up my shoes every night to run for an hour or two.
Ryan mentioned he liked leaving the real world for this. This world is just as real, but it is a different world. It's a parallel time and life, one of those separate circular worlds that will keep rotating and living on in the back of our minds, reflected on continually as it rolls over and over, never to be forgotten until we've learned all we can from the experience. I don't think I'll ever learn it all.
It’s neat to have someone ready to open their soul to you and hand you friendship with a handshake.
The rabbit and I played chess this morning. His instincts versus mine. Impatience made me lose—I can't sit still long.
Ok, so Amy does talk a lot. But I don’t blame her. She’s pretty when she talks, her eyebrows up with excitement, pupils wagging like a puppy dog. I’ve come to see that she doesn’t talk because she feels like she’s important, instead she talks because she wants to share her joy.
Being out here takes the “me” out of importance and puts it into improvement. I’m not the only one living my life. I’m living with the canyons as they are now, pillars and mesas and buttes. I’m seeing things that many won’t have an opportunity to see, and I’m feeling them in a way impossible.
This day was thoroughly enjoyed. When you’re outside with a happy belly and a shining sun, what more can one want?
We had a soul talk tonight. We unlocked our hearts in synchronicity and shared Enoch in our chairs. We have bad sides. We know that, and acknowledged them with hope for better days. I knew, for the first time on this trip, that these friends love me. What an amazing feeling it is, to recognize and share love!
It can take an atmosphere like this to learn and grow—to see Heaven in another’s eyes.
The leaves look like they’re clapping when the sun is shining through them, the way the wind dances to entertain them. They applaud for more than just the cool breeze after a long day: They applaud the untouched canyons and rivers, who, in perfect harmony, sing to those that will listen.
Anticipation is high today. The Rim-In-A-Day bike ride starts tomorrow. Me, I’m just gonna run. Ever since we’ve been out here on these trails all I’ve wanted to do is run. I’m going to take off and run now. I feel like I could run forever.
5am is painfully early sometimes. Queen sang, “I want to ride my bicycle…” and we wove them off. I’m glad I didn’t do it. The run was excellent, I love the feel of pushing my body until I lose my body, and it’s just my mind I feel, gliding by cares and troubles as scenery. I have found that adrenaline can be paralleled with joy, but only for those who find joy in the solitude of thought.
We made medals for the Whitey-Tighty-Rimmers and personalized them with inside jokes. I felt like a wandering native with gray-green mud caked on my face and flowered grass in my hair. The best moments of “fun” are when we just let go and live a little.
I find it sad that society has had the creativity beaten out of it through educational malfunction. Teachers told me that trees couldn’t be purple. I wonder if they’ve ever seen a juniper tree basked in a consoling sunset.
Today I stayed and rode with Amy. It was one of those rare, completely-forget-you-exist moments. My goal of tearing up the hill without stopping was forgotten. I wanted her to complete her goal, that was all that mattered. The importance of self was assimilated into concern.
Biking beside the river could have only been improved if a windshield was available to protect my face from the splatting gnats. As much as I appreciate the extra protein, I appreciate the scenery even more.
Ice cream is so highly revered when long days pass without a cool touch to the salivating tongue.
Today I learned that I hope I can see me as a person, more. And today I learned I could.