Race Report: the things I should say

“so pleased with my race”

4:30 in the morning?

You know it’s supposed to rain tomorrow, right?

Aw, hell, we got a 100 coming up. I’ll be there.

Think we have time for 15 miles?

“it all just came together”

Please God, heal my legs.

I know I have such a rich life

blessed with family and friends and

moments, oh! So many moments worth

lifetimes. I’m undeserving to ask this

but please, please, God. Please

heal these injured legs

so they can run,

so I can be free again.

Please God.

“what a great day on the trails with friends”

It’s ok, you can wait in my car

you don’t need to talk to anyone and

it’s not time to line up yet.

Just put the headphones on and listen to music,

it’s ok. Just hide in my car

a little longer.

“race organization went smoothly”

Take this Tylenol.

Now.

Oh ok, in 4 miles at the aid station.

But you have to promise to eat then too.

No, it’s not time for a walking break.

You’re strong. Look at you,

moving like you only ran 20 miles!

You’re ahead of schedule.

Always,

always, ahead.

“so appreciative that I could have this experience”

This is a gift body!

A gift! Be grateful that we’re doing this—

act like it!

Oh, I see…

Not a gift from me to my body

but a gift from my body to me.

You’re so smart body!

Oh, and you’re blurry.

Ha! Look! I’m running,

and I didn’t even know it.

“a lot of talent and speed out running today”

Text my family, let them know

I’m an hour out.

Don’t make it sound like I want

to see them.

I don’t want them to feel guilty

for not coming.

I just want them to know

I can do this.

But I can’t speak!

There are no words

for the salt crusted into my skin,

damp matted hair against my forehead,

lips chapped into silence.

Exhaustion weighing on eyelids, so heavy,

the swelling of my legs on this cot:

unmoving.

Coy potential winning! She always does,

leaving me with dull ache confused into

gratitude and congratulations.

There are no words to whisper

to reverberate

~~months~~

~~miles~~

~~early alarms~~

~~injuries~~

~~pool running~~

longing,

yes, longing.

Relief.

And fear.

There are no words for a 100 miles.

Comments

the runner's low

The runner's high - that sought after, beautiful feeling of flow, fulfillment, contentment, and even pleasure - is so present in running media and culture, it seems as if the runner's low doesn't exist.
...Yet it's presence is continually there. It shows up in different ways - the post race blues with the unbalance of hormones and exhaustion and lack of routine. It can slide in at envy of others runs, their training schedule and ability, their social fun. It is deep in sultry pains of an ultra, when we question ourselves, who we are, why we are doing this. It's fierce when we are injured and unable to run at all. It sneaks in as a "NEED" to have another adventure, another high, and the low feeling when we can't satisfy that craving. It seems part of an addictive solution for our brain to feel happy and alive. It exists - we remember a particularly fun run/adventure/race, and we want it - again. Even right after a race, blisters still oozing on our f…

that WEIGHTY issue

It's been said to us climbers that what we do is dangerous, and irresponsible. How could we risk our lives like this? And distance trail running, if it compromises our health why do it? How dare we take that time away from our families? And yet, to even make mention about a different lifestyle, one of weight, obesity, and all of the very dangerous and risky components it involves is socially disgraceful, insensitive, and cruel. I bring this up only to show how much weight, in general, is not "ok" to talk about. It's a sensitive subject, even, no, especially, for those of us already at a healthy weight who use our bodies to their fullest daily...

Now, this blog is about running, ain't it? Yep. So while there's a lot of "weight" we could cover in this "weighty" area, we'll just go over one. Running.
Running and weight are intertwined. I'd like to say that this post is primarily for the ladies, because we typically store more weight t…

standhope 60k

it seems like the last few years I've aged, and I've grown. I lost my identity as a runner. if I didn't run frequently, if I wasn't in the mountains, if I wasn't pushing my own limits, what was I?
I'd retained the identity as a mother, daughter, sibling, friend, student of literature and wilderness. this was a shift - less time, less comments, less messages with the running community that I didn't know well, a deepening of friendships and relationships with those closest to me.
it felt odd, going into standhope. I didn't have goals, I wasn't sure where I was at with running, I wasn't in shape for racing. I had this idealism, that if I raced hard, I could inspire others, not to run, but to pursue life with passion. but, what about when I can't race hard? when life is racing too hard for me to train?
earlier this year my Dad was diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma. visits to the hunstman increased, my mileage decreased. when looking at anoth…

The Mountainist

Search This Blog